Funky Times in Boston
I lived in Cambridge, Massachussetts for one year. It has been one of the most important periods of my life. Why? It was brutal. It was probably the most challenged I’ve ever felt. I was all on my own against the world, and the world wasn’t very kind.
My first few months in Cambridge destroyed me. My job at MIT left my isolated and lonely, and the few weeks I spent at Northeastern were not much better. I was lacking in confidence and couldn’t get along with anyone. Worse, I couldn’t focus around others. So I decided to just stay in my room and figure things out.
My best friend at the time was my white board that I hung in my room. I had posters of Steve Jobs, Elon Musk, and Benjamin Franklin to keep me company.
Come November, I was falling into depression. I hated my job at MIT. I couldn’t be in a room by myself all day, working on a project I did not care about. Worse, I had no friends, and had every meal by myself. The only thing I had going for me was that I joined a soccer team, and this would come to change my life unexpectedly.
On November 12th 2022, I turned 26, and my two best friends came to Boston to visit me. We went out in Davis Square, and had a goal of talking to as many girls as we could. And we did. And it was an amazing night — changed my mindset entirely. But what was better is that I got the inspiration to start my own company, Next Level Lifestyle Design and Optimization, centered around improving human’s decision making — I quickly secured a domain, and I started dreaming. Later that week, I went out with my soccer team, and I pitched the idea to a few of them, and they all said it promising. One smart guy, an engineer, said it was “one hell of a pitch.”
I decided to quit my job at MIT, and go all in on my business. I bounced the idea with my roommate, Eugenia, and she encouraged me to go for it. She said “you have a great eye for details, you could be a great consultant.” Then, thanks to my friend Ian, I scheduled to defend my proposal for my PhD, and that got me closer to graduation. I was also doing a 30-day challenge for YouTube at the time, but that was no longer a priority. I started building in December, before taking off for winter break. I was done with Boston. I moved all my stuff back home, and decided to just stay home, build, and focus. I rented a Chevrolet Suburban and brought all my stuff home — and then the unthinkable happened. I hit the car somewhere on the road, and I caused serious damage. My insurance was 1 day away from expiring, and I couldn’t fathom how lucky I got.
The next day, I drove with my family to Boston, where we flew to Dubai, where my brother was getting engaged. I suddenly felt massive anxiety in the airplane, my heart was pounding. I thought of a girl I met a year ago. We stopped talking, and suddenly I kept thinking, man, she was entrepreneurial, maybe she could help me join the journey for the company? I don’t wanna do it alone. Suddenly I couldn’t do any work, couldn’t write my ads, couldn’t take calls. I kept thinking about her. I reached out, and no response. I then sent her an e-mail, to which she replied saying how impressed she was with what I am doing, but she was already in another relationship. Although this was disappointing, it was also relieving, I now could move on and get back to Building.
The Return: I remember laying down in my basement, thinking abut what I am doing. Then, my friend, Hammad, visited me. “What are you doing here? Go back to Boston!” he yelled at me. “Don’t be a loser.” — Initially I thought that I moved back to focus, but the reality is, I was still a serendipity seeker, and wanted to give it another chance. And I did. I went back in late January, determined to make things work. I turned on my ads on February 1st, and started making money. I made a goal to hit $50k/month by June. But things didn’t quite work out that way.
Distraction: I downloaded a dating app called Hinge, in an attempt to meet as many girls as I could. I met few girls from Harvard Business School, very pretentious and annoying. Then few others whom we didn’t get along quite well. Then, I met one girl who was promising. I pitched her my business idea, and she found it promising. It seemed we had clicked, and things were starting to look amazing. The problem was she was too young, and a bit uncertain, and too busy. I would get frustrated that she would barely make the time or prioritize seeing me, and I was slowly getting fed up. Worse, I could only see her on Mondays or Wednesdays, and I started skipping my gym workouts just to make things happen. I was ready to settle into a serious relationship, and she wasn’t I would move my schedule around for her, and she wouldn’t do the same, big mistake. Never invest in a girl more than she invests in you. I didn’t know that at the time. Although she was smart and interesting, she also seemed immature and had a bitchy attitude. I was done. One day our conversation was dying out, and I left her on read. I moved on.
Distraction X2: End of February, I met another girl who was really sweet, really nice, and had more time. I thought to myself, okay, this one is cooler, and seems to fit my needs. She was very loving and warm, and direct and honest. It was perfect. I would see her only on Friday nights, and our schedules worked our amazingly. We experienced many amazing things together; different restaurants, walks, we’d do hot yoga together, and we would often hang out with her friends. I even met her family. Initially I thought this girl is really sweet, enhancing me — but then reality set in. I looked at my progress, and 3 months had passed by, where I was barely making any money. I was spending too much time with her and her friends, and would have a very hard time get back on my feet. I started tracking my inputs and outputs, and realized that I am simply not allocating enough time to myself. While things felt nice, I was distracted, and had to do something about it.
Existential Crisis: Come July, I was getting really fed up with my life. I felt so lonely, still, felt I am only 26 ever once, what can I dedicate myself to? I set goals that added nothing but pressure, and wanted to run away from everything. I called my brother, who suggested I go travel for a bit. It was good advice, and shortly after, I booked a one way flight to Europe. There, I grabbed a notebook, and kept journaling about what I want in life. Amazing work with amazing people. A loving supportive partner. A dent in the universe. I realized the importance of gratitude. How I was not nearly where I want to be in life. I started thinking about the first girl, thinking maybe she was the answer. So I reached out to her, and we scheduled to meet. Then when I got back, the same behaviors started occuring; it was clear she wasn’t too interested, and I had to value my time and move on once again.
Then it was finally August, and I was ready to head out of Boston. I was done with that place, at least for now, and I arranged to attend a bootcamp in Rochester with my brother. Maybe everything had to happen this way so I could do this, but in just one year in Boston, I learned two valuable lessons:
1) I figured out what I want to do with my career. I cannot work a job I hate. I need meaningful work. And I need to cultivate my own business which will bring me the cash necessary to live the life I want. This forces me to learn new skills, and doing it with my brother sounds like the ultimate fun.
2) I figured out what I want from a relationship. I met two girls, one was smart, the other was sweet. But I need both. A smart, sweet girl. And I know I will find her, but I have so much work to do on myself first.
All in all, I learned and grew so much in Boston. It has been an absolutely magical year in my life. It changed me forever. It is proof that one must always seek new experiences, and grow from the challenges and hardships presented. I might go back, I might go to LA, or who knows where I may go, but all I know is that wherever I go next, I will keep learning and growing, and I will keep repeating my mantra to myself “exciting times ahead.”
Shoulders of Giants
I have always been helped. In high school, the right teachers helped me. The right friends lifted me up. In college, CSTEP helped me. UBNL helped me. The right people picked me up. In NASA, Curtis helped me. Beau helped me. So did Nacer, Jose, and Imran. Dr. Jornet helped me. CJ helped me. Ferdaous helped me. FEKO student helped me. Arjun carried me on his back.
If these were my results, what makes me think business will be any different? How did I get help? Simple, I kept seeking. I kept asking, and the right people showed up to support. So far, Evan helped me. So did Adam David. Who else can I meet?
Tracking
Goal setting is not the starting point. First we need data. We need existing data. Only then we can find where the big breakthroughs can happen. Only then, can we actually figure out what is going on.
We need to study the existing system before we optimize it. We need to have all the data possible.
The problem I am obsessed with solving for entrepreneurs is doing the work. The consistency and accountability.
Entrepreneurship is Existential
9:01 on a Wednesday morning. March 22nd 2023. I have a meeting later with Tammy, she’s my first employee. First Next Level employee. This could really be the start of something huge. At the worst case, this is the cashflow machine. Tammy is here to help me lubricate it and make me go faster.
Entrepreneurship is about leverage. It’s never too early to hire a setter. If anything, it makes the business more fun. Calls are important. Humans must know that there’s another human on the other side. Tammy will call leads, remind them of booked appointments, and possibly call my existing clients weekly to check on them. What a lovely service. All for a simple cost. She is my customer service representative. Thanks to my brother, who has been a great help.
Entrepreneurship is about building a team. Sure, you can do many things on your own, but why not leverage? Your mental bandwidth is the most scarce and precious resource. I am in this transition stage where I am becoming hyper aware of that. I still go with the feeling, but my mind is helping build structure. Soon enough I will have the best frameworks on how to think, and I will simplify them to make them user-friendly. Just like how apple made the cellphone user friendly, I will make thinking user friendly. The right thoughts. The human mind as a technology. I am following my curiosity.
Entrepreneurship is about passion. I love optimization. I love lifestyle design. I love people. I want people to succeed. I really disagree with Leila on that you can start a service or plumbing business. Who cares. Sure, for those who hate what they do, it’s a better vehicle. But life can be more exciting than that. I am still that child that follows whats ‘cool’ and ‘exciting’, that’s just who I am.
Entrepreneurship is existential. It’s a way of life. I do this because what else is there? It’s not about the money it was NEVER about the money. It’s about doing something that matters. It’s about screaming that I have existed, and my dent in the universe is proof of my existence. But until then, what I want doesn’t exist, so I will go and create it.
New Years Eve
1:24 AM on a Saturday night. Or a Sunday morning. My second new years eve in Dubai. Oh, how much has changed this year. Oh, the SpaceX interview. The MIT internship. The “one hell of a pitch”. Shoe Dog. Everything kept aligning. “Seek and you shall find.” — faith in self. Faith in intuition.
The goal of 2023 is to start building the ideal world. Start with the cashflow machine. It’s the most important thing. Next, content. Make known. Build an audience and add value at an insane rate. The brain is amazing at synthesizing, we have to make it more efficient at coming to fruition. Third, team. Will. Ed. Evan. Kristina. Zabi and David. We will use all the help we can.
One Hell of a Pitch
I don’t know what I’m feeling. Thrill. Anxiety. Worry. Faith. Faith in faith. I pitched the idea to two people. Two smart rational people. They agreed. They provided feedback. They see the vision. I articulated the vision. They saw it.
“How can hormones and physiological feedback play into this?” — what a great question. And what a perfectly ready answer I had for this guy. Same as I would have for the financial guys. My gut feeling said to stay in Boston. People. Luck. Faith. Whatever it is. The science of getting rich. You cannot formulate a mental image which your heart does not align with. What does my heart want? Like Andrew Kirby said. What your heart desires your thoughts cannot control. They can only harness. If I can solve this problem, along with others, I will solve the human condition. And perhaps I might help Brooke find her ideal career.
Brain Software
It’s all I think about. Writing software for the brain. Mental models. Mental heuristics. Decision making. The brain is what facinated me at a young age. Processing speed. “Intelligence”. I was called smart so often as a kid, I became grandoise; but something good came out of it. I became obsessed with what made people smart.
I came to realize that there’s different types of smart. There’s those who have intellect. They can crank out numbers. They can be logical to an extent. But they lack something. Depth. Authenticity. Search for truth. They lack imagination.
I may not be able to gift my imagination to everyone. But I have something else I can gift. Brain software. If everybody made 10% better decisions, on a daily basis. How fast will the world advance? Stephen Deunier was onto something — but how can he control his mind? How has he reached that level where he can sit through a root canal and be so rational about it?
Only the misfits have a chance. I agree with Naval. Or at least I choose to. What option do I have? I am a misfit. And if I’m gonna be a misfit, I will have to do what most misfits do, well, disrupt the world. Phil Knight gets it. Steve Jobs gets it. Perhaps Elon gets it more than anyone else I’ve seen. Bill Gates wrote great software for computers and became a billionaire. Perhaps Ali Alqaraghuli can write great software for the brain. It’s not about the money. It was never about the money. It’s about doing something great. My heart says brain software is my path.
Dose of Elon
I’ve had many mentors, virtual and real, and they have all taught me something valuable. But every once in a while, I realize that the one person I really look up to, is Elon Musk.
How amazing is it that the richest man in the world is also a meme lord, and someone with idealistic moral judgement? It seems there’s still more for me to learn from such a deep brain. This is also when I realized I am becoming a student of history, through Napoleon Hill and Robert Greene. I’ve changed so much in the last 2 years; I’ve become hyperfocused on growth and learning new skills; with a clearer vision, my work ethic is reaching unprecedented levels.
There will be times where I am tired or burnt out, and could use a bit of inspiration; when that time comes, I’ll have a dose of Elon.
I am Complicated. I am Complicated!
I was scrolling through Netflix for the first time in a while; and kept scrolling to find something worth watching. I had been sick for days, laying in bed trying to find entertainment, and was desperate enough to look for anything really. I checked out a few shows, passed by some movies, and even clicked on one stand up show before I clicked off after few minutes. I thought to my self; am I that complicated? Do I not know how to have fun?
In an attempt to redeem my young self, I went to YouTube and typed “funny videos”. Again, none of the thumbnails really stood out to me. I didn’t care enough to watch cat videos or see people pulling pranks on each other, that just did not feel fun to me. Then for some reason, I typed “metamaterials”. I then watched a video about a professor from Duke explain why metamaterials can be better than regular glass, and can help us shape lenses with simple shapes yet still carrying complicated properties. I felt so good about watching that and understood the concepts right away. I then quickly jumped to watching Lex Fridman’s podcast with Elon Musk, and I was suddenly the happiest man.
This experience served as a big relief as I realized I am not the average Joe, I am an outlier. I am complicated! And you know what? That is GREAT! It is what makes me me, and while many people may look at that and find it difficult or boring, to me its the only way I know how to live, and more importantly, the only way I enjoy living. It made me realize that this is the quality I want in a partner; a girl who loves learning as much as I do, and would watch Masterclasses with me instead of Netflix. That would be life.
Suffragate City --> Sealing
Getting sick was the best thing to happen to me in a long time. Not only did the flaming fever make me be forced to rest outside of my usual hours; I was hallucinating to David Bowie’s 1975 electric performance. I spent a ridiculous time patching cues and came to conclusion that covert narcissism is unconscious, and went in hand with the avoidant attachment style. This was a big relief, since I realized I am better off alone for this moment, and have done my part correctly.
What made this period extra special is me starting to play Driver Parallel Lines again. A game that I had played once as a kid and had a connection to, although I did not remember the details too well. When I started playing it, I felt in such a good mood listening to the 1978 soundtrack while completing the missions; then when TK went to prison and the opening 2006 scene took place, I felt very emotionally attached to the game.
The suffragate city showed the young ambitious TK at 18, who saw life full of excitement; just to be followed by the sealing showing the darkness of having ones whole young life wasted. Seeing the Mexican, Slink, Bishop, Candy, and Carrigan all go down; the relief on TK’s face, it made me feel at home.
It seems this is the second period of my life, where as I am hustling and sticking to a rigid routine and working too hard without nurturing my inner child, my body falls apart just for me to lay in bed and do absolutely nothing. I felt relieved not caring how my youtube videos were doing, and I was suddenly not so emotionally attached to my goals. Perhaps it is a sign from God to let go of certain things entirely, and to detach from goals emotionally. I feel closer to God than ever. Something great is on the way.
Upgrade the Entrepreneur
When you are first starting out, doesn’t really matter what you work on. Just jump on it and use it to develop character traits and belief (important), and then skills which will be useful later on. Most important is having a reason and direction to developing character trait and belief.
Is This What I Want!?
“Is this what I want?!” — I couldn’t help myself but ask. Do I want to be a miserabele f*ck? Is this really serving me in any way shape or form?
Then I proceeded to take masculine action.
Mirrors
Sometimes you have friends; other times you meet mirrors. I call them mirrors. Those are the connections that allow you to see yourself in someone else, and have a good honest look at what requires change.
Masculine Action
You can theorize all you want, but its the results that matter. Results come from action. Action is masculine. Overthinking and overanalyzing is feminine. Making shit happen is masculine. Perfectionism is feminine. Assertiveness is masculine. Being lost in the world of emotions and uncertainty is feminine. As a man, choose your behavior wisely.
Emotional Alignment
It seems like there are two things that lead to action. One can be a random moment of inspiration. The other is a well-planned and sustained that is centered around your “why”. I am still trying to figure out how to get in emotional alignment with your goals. To know what you want intellectually is easy. Everybody can develop ideas or concepts about what they want. But to deeply get in touch with your emotions and actually summon up the burning desire to achieve your goals; that is scarce; but once you have it, you are unstoppable, in theory.
To My Future Wife
To my future wife,
I cannot wait to meet you. I am writing this in December of 2021. I am 25 years old right now. I am really curious who you are going to be. But whoever you may be, I think you are in for an amazing life adventure. I have been spending almost every minute of my adult life learning and improving myself, and I have created an ideal world and immersed myself into it; a world revolving around learning and fun, around research and the arts, around music and expression; we are going to have so much fun together. I cannot wait for our deep conversations, our shared insights, and our unconditional love towards each other.
I am going to support you and take care of you. I will be your backbone, your unshakeable mountain. I think you’re very lucky, for I am a really strange combination of loving, passionate, and empathetic (I was raised by a loving mother), and driven, assertive, and focused (my father gave me his entrepreneurial spirit). I love my life as it is, but I already know that building a family with you is going to be my priority and my most enjoyable day-to-day thing. I am sure you are also going to be equally empathetic and loving, as this is a quality that is important in a wife and a mother. I know we will have different interests, and we will spend a lifetime learning from each other and through each other. I do sometimes put a lot of pressure on myself, so I will love to have your support. Don’t be mad at me if I put pressure on you sometimes, or appear to be critical; you will be my home, my person to go to when stressed or not feeling great, my little assistant and advisor. Be patient please!
My main priority in our marriage will be to make you and our kids feel safe. The world is becoming very strange, and at times scary and uncertain, but the good news is that I am a very strong person. Ever since I was a tiny baby; I have persevered through difficult circumstances in life, and although many times I have crashed and burned, I always rise from the ashes, new and improved, ready to face life’s challenges head on. I have the self-image of a learner, and that makes me invincible. Nothing can tear me down, therefore nothing can tear you down. I will take care of us. I promise. I will do my best, and we will have fun. We are going to help a lot of people together. We will leave our ding in the universe. We will raise amazing children, who will go on to change the world, but more importantly, treat others with kindness and respect. Love will bring us together. Take care. See you soon 🙂
– Ali
You're Still that Child
The myth of adulthood, oh, the shame! How we were brought up to believe that our childhood is a temporary being, and one day we will flick a switch on and transform into advanced beings known as adults. Oh, the misery! How we anticipated this growing up, how we dreamed about sitting in the front seat for once fantasized about knowing what we are doing. Oh, the disappointment! How we grew up to realize that adults are just as clueless as children, and everyone’s figuring it out as they go. The myth of adulthood, debunked.
This is a shocking truth that everyone inevitably faces, you are still that child. With all your inefficiencies and cluelessness, fears and patterns, with all your security-seeking behaviors and mechanisms, shielding up when faced with danger. You’re still that child. You’re still that possessive infant, alone in the jungle, seeking to safely get through this strange state of being we call life. You’re still that child, craving to be loved, to feel important, to matter.
Everyone is a little child walking around. We’re all just kids. We do learn and grow as we go, and we use our pain to know what to avoid, and we use our happiness to know what to chase; but we are by no means “adults”. We’re still that child, and to get real control of ourselves, we must take a deep look at the program.
The Program
Adulthood is nothing but a discrete label that we use to tell you we will now hold you accountable, but what we don’t tell you is that you’re still that child, with a program installed in childhood. What we should tell you is, since you’re still that child, you are responsible of taking care of that child; you are responsible of fixing your ways, of figuring out your issues, whether pertaining to attachment or self-esteem or lacking empathy, and while you did not install the program and its not your fault, it is your responsibility.
So how do you get a hold of the program? Well, first let’s understand what it is. The program is your blueprint, your model of reality and your interpretation of the real world. This is stored in your subconscious mind; internalized while you were still a child, with consciousness not fully developed, which made you an effective copy-cat empty vessel. This becomes problematic if you did not get your needs met as a child. Whether you did not get the love or attention you needed, you internalized such lack as your own fault, and developed an unconscious belief that you are not worthy, and you do not deserve such love.
The real damage happens years later, when such internalizations start manifesting themselves in your “adult” life; your inability to trust a romantic partner, or negotiate a business deal, or your serious fear that people are ought to get you and take what you have; the list goes on. The program keeps you running on autopilot with your childhood patterns, and until you take hold of it, you are running on very little free will.
Consequences
It’s natural for us to want life to be of constant beauty. We wish life was unicorns and butterflies all the time, and many of us, especially those who withstand the dangers of isolation, project such model of reality onto the world. We cannot stand the thought of the world being ugly, or humans being selfish beings; that strongly discomforts us. But what we often fail to realize is that humans, and the universe as a whole, responds only to consequence. It is only through consequences of our actions that we achieve true learning of the world, and develop a deeper understanding of social dynamics and how to interact around others. It is through understanding reality and being in congruence and acceptance with it, rather than fighting it, we can see the world in a more beautiful light. It is only through understanding the consequences of our actions, and how it leads us to where we are, and being totally okay with that; that we reach the necessary state of acceptance to be truly happy.
Idealization
Perhaps the most dangerous behavior one can experience when encountering other humans is to idealize them. To place other human beings on imaginary pedestals for having perceivably unique qualities, and for seeing that they present themselves in ways that are desirable. The projection of an ideal is something I have learned that people do in a desperate attempt to manifest their dreams into reality; it’s something I have personally done countless times, whether it be a romantic partner or a coworker or a boss, the projection of an ideal onto another human being creates massive excess potential that can only be balanced by having the person on the pedestal looking down on you, rightfully, as you start to behave as their worshipper.
The projection of an ideal onto a romantic partner can be a signal of a much deeper rooted issue, pertaining to your self limiting beliefs and your flawed model of the world. It is likely that because you did not have your needs met as a child, you longed and craved for a certain level of intimacy that you feel is missing all along; because you live in scarcity, and have a belief you are not worthy of receiving such love and connection, and because you are under constant fear that your needs may not be met, and you may never find such people who appreciate you again, you cannot help but place your object of idealization on the pedestal.
This brings me to a far more important point, which is how your internal world literally shapes your external world. Your beliefs about yourself and the world cannot help but become a self fulfilling prophecy. If you view yourself as less, you are less. If you are convinced you are the prize, and act and behave as if you are, then you are the prize, and others will chase after you. Your internal model of the world and yourself is the single most urgent and most important subject of study, and it is crucial that you go through intensive hours of reasoning and repetition of building new beliefs and habits that reflect how it is you would actually like to live your life.
Follow the teachings of Robert Glover. Read “No More Mr. Nice Guy”, and then read “Dating Essentials for Men” — those two gems of books have very little to do with relationships or women, and all to do with your own self image and model of the world. Your most urgent task is to fix your flawed model, develop an abundance mindset, and work on your self image until you are convinced you are the prize.
The GZA
I have seen many lyrical geniuses. Who more poetic than Nas? Or more witty than MF? Or more creative than Eminem?
For some reason, the GZA struck me as the most elegant. His verse in Wu Tang’s Protect Ya Neck cannot escape me. It is so subtle, and the fact that he came on last made it feel as if everyone else was just building up towards his masterpiece.
The reason I say elegant is because the GZA has such a calm and lowkey style, he comes off as fairly peaceful and relaxed. But his lyrics are so poisonous, in only 30 seconds or so, he presented an argument, made strong criticism, threw shade, fired shots, all while maintaining his cool.
The Wu Tang clan revived my old school hip hop roots, and I started using their instrumentals in my YouTube videos. I’ve given myself many gifts for my 25th birthday, but the Tao of Wu book by RZA has been the thing I am looking forward to the most. My rapid growth cycle continues.
The High Value Man
When I became 25 years old, I turned pro. More importantly, I became a high value man. I decided this exactly on November 20th, 2021. How did it happen? Did I change anything externally? Did I have a different body? Different hairstyle? New friends? A new girlfriend? — None of these things. It was all internal. It was a mindset shift.
You see, most of the problems men have in the modern age contribute to self-image. In the primitive hierarchy, what separates the “alphas” from the “betas” is nothing short of mindset. It has very little to do with ability or traits; it’s entirely a matter of self image.
The only way to become a true “alpha” or “sigma” or whatever Greek letter you equate with being a man who is comfortable being alone and leading his own life, is to adopt an abundance mindset. To fully believe that you are the prize, and why not? You are so unique, there’s only one of you in the whole universe. This inner abundance mindset that you cultivate internally will radiate externally, and will manifest itself through your actions and interactions with others.
The only way to cultivate true abundance is to practice gratitude. To be fully conscious and aware of what you have, and grateful for it, and live life believing you have all your needs met. All your goals become your mere wants, not needs, as you can do just fine without them; ironically, this brings your goals a lot closer to you. It’s funny how the universe operates, the more you push to have something and cause excess potential, the more likely you are to push it away from you.
When you are a high value man, you don’t have to chase after anybody. You attract people into your life. You take chances at people, but if they reject you, you don’t take it personally; you move on and you are unscathed. As a high value man, the best gift you can give anybody is your time and attention, and the biggest punishment you can give to someone is withdrawing your time and attention; the time and attention they took for granted, and are left to regret afterwards. You are so busy pursuing your passions, your career, your side hustles, your entrepreneurial endeavors, your art, your close friendships, your family; you have very little time for others. And when you do, that is your ultimate gift.
The high value man is similar to the advancing man; in fact, to be a truly high value man from an objective standpoint, you must become an advancing man. The advancing man is on a quest to be a high capacity man, and the high capacity man by definition is of immense value. Make the decision today, become a high value man. Change your self image. Start with a simple gratitude practice, and you will be shocked with who you become.
Focus
“Focus is about saying no.” — there’s no doubt Steve Jobs was a focused person. He was the idea guy, but he also executed flawlessly. Many people have great ideas, and many are daydreaming all day, but it is execution that separates the dreamers from the doers.
I have had the gift of not being able to focus. For the past 25 years old, I have been curious about different ideas and new experiences. I had shiny object syndrome. I liked the novelty of growth, and I was smart enough to realize I was not that smart; hence I needed to interact with many different scenarios in order to gather enough information to be able to make something out of life.
Now, it is time to focus. I have learned enough, and it is my turn to go pro. It is my turn to quit the things I do not care about, and focus entirely on things I do care about. The ultimate test of my ability to focus is my YouTube channel; as of the time I am writing this I have 326 subscribers. Let’s see how far this thing goes.
Josh
“You can help someone achieve their own healing, but you should wait for them to reach out to you first, although it won’t be for a while.”
“There’s about 6-8 of them. They’re all the same. Find the one you like.”
“You have to cut cords with the past, and think about who you want to become in 6 months. That blueprint has to stay in your head.”
“We all have the capacity to thrive, but nobody feels the need to. We have all our basic needs met.”
“When you put people on pedastals, they cannot help but look down on you.” -Quazi
November 15th 2021, yet again, likely a day to turn my life upside down.
King. Warrior. Magician. Lover.
The most beautiful compliment someone can call you, is you’re so “unique”. This is because in their worldview, they are able to identify all the things that, combined, make you into a rare and special person. That means they get to see you in a way you deserve to be seen, with all your amazing qualities finally appreciated by someone.
This clicked for me when I learned about those 4 archetypes. I happen to be 25% each, equally, and I think this level of balance is the secret to my uniqueness. This made me super excited about this new internet economy, and the coaching businesses, and how people resonate with archetypes. Perhaps my first online coaching business around lifestyle design first will include this archetype test which will help me assess which area requires improvement in the lives of my audience. The market loves archetypes, and I shall I exploit that.
Beluga
Inspirational. Noted.
Sine Waves
One of the beauties of life long learning is the ability to transfer something you learned in one domain, and apply it to your personal life. To me this has been the case with mathematical concepts, especially pertaining to periodic functions.
Today I am on top of the sine wave. Yesterday I was on the bottom. The model of the sinewave shows that where the point lies on the graph is always relative to the point prior to it, and the one ahead of it is of no exception. This can be modeled through the periodicity of night and day, as the sunlight always follows the darkness.
Having awareness of this and keeping it in mind is very powerful, for I am able to tell myself when I am having a bad day that I am simply on bottom of the sine wave, and its a matter of time till I am on top again. Likewise, when I am on top, I enjoy it to the max, because I know it will not last, so I use this awareness to my power.
If you can still show up and perform on days where you are on bottom of the sinusoid, you are unstoppable. This is where the power of habit lies.
A Letter to 25 year old Ali
To my hero, my successor, my lover on this amazing adventure called life; to the one I have so much faith in, to the finally-turned pro, the conscious and aware; to 25 year-old Ali:
I am writing to you as 24 year old Ali, on behalf of all the other Ali’s who have preceded me. On behalf of 7 year old Ali who saw his own father get shot in front of him, 17 year old Ali who packed his bags and went to Buffalo, 21 year old Ali who followed his dreams and travelled to Spain, and 22 year old Ali who started the insane inflammation journey from the Jet Propulsion Laboratory. I am also writing on behalf of 23 year old Ali who doubled down on self improvement and followed his heart, and finally, myself, 24 year old Ali, who have set the foundation for what I believe should enable you to turn pro. I have done all I can myself, to get you to where you are. The heart break I went through this year alone, I am so glad you won’t have to experience that. But it is this very same heart break that gave me the strength to write this letter for you. Please read this over and over again during moments of self doubt or if you’re feeling lost.
I want to start with excitement. I am beyond thrilled for the 12 months you have ahead of you. I believe it will be transformational. You are now fully aware of what self improvement entails, and you have made a lifestyle out of learning; I have no doubt you are going to have a phenomenal year.
I want to touch upon responsibility, not pressure, but you must be mindful that what you have is a once in a lifetime opportunity of isolation all to yourself to set all sorts of experiments and be able to learn more about what it is you are capable of achieving. The theme of this 25 year will be “Turning Pro”, sticking to the few things that matter, and quitting things that do not matter. Doing the work, setting low short term expectations, and surrendering to life’s serendipity and beauty. Also, lots of Nightcore, Eric Prydz, Synthwave, and more Joy Division. But this year is crucial for habit building; habits relating to health, relationships, good work, mental relaxation, and maximum productivity (output over periods of time). Making progress on research, YouTube, the podcast, book sales, amongst other entrepreneurial endeavors shall be only but the byproducts of the habits and routines you are cultivating.
I want to get your mind to few things to watch out for. To prepare a crisis plan for the following issues, as you will inevitably face them. Nostalgia, losing your “why”, burnout, stress, lack of results; expect those things, and remind yourself they are a natural part of the process. Do not delay, and maintain a sense of urgency. I must also warn you of the dangers of isolation; you will lose touch with reality in one way or another, and you will go through moments of self doubt. I urge you to regularly exercise and take your vitamin D pills, as well maintain your journaling and gratitude practices. Your beautiful cat Daria shall help with this serotonin supply, so you must take care of her and play with her regularly. Spending quality time with parents is crucial, but set boundaries and make sure you get your work done first; do it for yourself, and for them.
I want to warn you of a recurring theme that has happened with me and prior Ali’s, and that is too much pressure from unrealistic expectations. You don’t need 10 papers in one year. You don’t need 5 patents, or a million subscribers. You do not need those things. What we kindly ask of you, is to just show up and do the work consistently, even if you don’t feel like it. Trust in consistency, and turn the process into its own reward. The practice of gratitude, day and night, is what I request for you to build and focus on; being gratitude focused, while also keeping an eye on your goals and showing up to put in the work; the is the optimal frame. We are turning pro, and we are becoming process oriented. The reward is the process. And we are grateful for that. Gratitude is our key to abundance mindset, to shift focus on what we are good at, it’s the wine of the soul.
I will give a final piece of warning regarding loneliness. You do not have to go through this period alone. You have others like Hmdbti, Terry, Elijah, Mustafa, Dr. Jornet, L Cabron, Kathy, and maybe even people like Quazi, amongst others who can serve as advisors to you and share this journey with you. They care about one thing, and that is results, you owe the results to yourself, not to us or them; for you deserve to have the life of your dreams and to give your family the financial freedom they dream of; financial freedom is the way 30s Ali can go vagabonding with his beautiful family, and we owe it to him. Continue to invest in yourself. Sell crypto and get coaching programs if needed; your mind needs the best coaching and cultivating possible, and you must continue to eliminate noise and focus on what matters. In all cases, remind yourself that this is a legendary period of life, and it is meant to be an important chapter for learning.
So have fun, enjoy the process, and work your butt off without getting burnt out, cuz you like the work. Get organized. Get good at quitting the things you don’t want, and by the time you move to Los Angeles, you will be a pro. I couldn’t be more proud of you already, so go out there and blow my mind.
Peace, love, empathy.
– 24 year old Ali
Malice
Humans are complicated, and only become more so when they are emotionally injured. Simply put, hurt people hurt people. This in turn creates a vicious cycle of those trying to inflict pain on others due to pain inflicted on themselves prior. This leads me to believe that there are no inherently bad people, and all ‘bad’ people are just products of poor conditioning or circumstances. The most terrifying part of becoming adult is realizing how many traumatized children are walking around in adult bodies, playing power games on each other, and such individuals make the majority of the world we live in.
I think the ultimate test of human advancements is closely monitoring how children are raised, and making sure all children get adequate amounts of love and attention and challenge. This will eliminate narcissists in all their forms, will kill attention seeking behaviors, and will significantly reduce resentment and jealousy amongst healthy individuals. Needless to say, this will put everyone in a secure attachment style, allowing us to have healthy relationships where little hurt is caused. Utopia is when all children needs are met; as those children will grow to become the adults that shape society. They will be our presidents and senators and doctors. They will be our engineers and artists and investors. To neglect how we raise our children in itself, despite the beforementioned consequences, is the ultimate act of malice.
Voluntary Hardship
Life is a long term game. Pain is inevitable in the short term; I know this from experiencing far too much emotional pain in the past few months. You feel like you are waging psychological warfare against yourself, and the isolation does not help. But I have a secret weapon, and that is knowledge. I am knowledgeable of hormesis. I am aware of post traumatic growth. I am more than familiar with concepts revolving around short term pain equaling long term growth, so I use my conscious mind as the key, it is the master key.
But you need more than familiarity; you need preparation. The best way to condition your mind to prepare for life crises, is to suffer voluntarily. That is by engaging of acts of voluntary hardship. This can take many forms; cold showers, going to the gym, doing painful things that you do not want to do, but you cultivate the habit of doing to condition yourself that not only can you handle suffering, you welcome it, and you are ready for it. Engaging in such habits will cause extra suffering in the short term, but in the long term game of life, it will pay off dividends.
The Market
The market is the market. If your product has 2 star reviews, it’s probably a 2 star product. If nobody watches your videos, your videos probably suck. I know, the market can be harsh, but the market is liberating. It is not personal. It tells you exactly what the people want, and how they want it. You can look at others who are succeeding in the market place and see what is working for them, then you use your own analytics in addition and go on and experiment.
The market will hand you many rejections, you cannot take them personally. The market is a learning laboratory, so use it as such, especially when you are too small and failure is cheap. Nobody cares if you fail, which is good. Get up and shrug it off. Put on your lab coat and use your scientist spirit and run experiments until something works. You’ll need to put in the hours and persevere, no other way around that; if you can do that, the market will be your friend.
Je Suis Malade
Short term pain equals long term growth. It’s quite hard to tell something like this to yourself and actually believe it, especially if you are going through immense pain. Being aware that we as humans are meaning making machines, it becomes hard sometimes to separate the rhetoric from the objective truth. In these situations, I find it most effective to draw analogies to hard sciences.
Shot term pain equals long term growth is in fact a concept in biology. It’s called hormesis. The organism experiences a certain amount of stress, not too sharp as to cause the death of the whole system, but acute enough to cause the body to dispose of its weakest cells in order to preserve the system. Thus the system preserves and renews itself as a response to this temporary hardship. Getting sick, is in fact, a blessing. In the short term, our bodies suddenly fall weak, activating defense mechanisms to kill foreign invaders and destroy the weakest cells and we feel all sorts of miseries; fever, sore throat, fatigue amongst other pains. But in the long term, we develop immunity, and we bounce back far stronger. Getting sick is one of the best things that can happen for your overall health, and it is a natural process of growth and thus of life.
Boundaries
My biggest lesson of 2021 has been centered around one word. Boundaries. Who am I, and what are my boundaries? What do I value in myself, and not allow for others to cross the line? Do I love myself enough to stop others from hurting me? And do I have the courage to express my resentful feelings despite the likelihood of others not receiving them well?
Many people suffer from the people pleasing syndrome, or the nice guy syndrome; it’s truly a horrible way to life life. The unfortunate part is that many, like myself previously, are unaware of it. Our brains are wired to feel guilt around not giving up ourselves for others, and our ideals revolve around the noble thoughts of sacrificing ourselves for the greater good.
I once came across the saying “you can’t pour from an empty cup” — this has resonated with me strongly ever since, and has made me extremely conscious of my the boundaries I set for other people to cross. Sometimes I need to provide a reason, other times I don’t. One of my favorite examples of setting boundaries is set by Richard Feynman, who valued his deep thought time so much that he would always avoid sitting on boards or doing nonsense managerial work. His reasoning? “I am irresponsible,” he would say. That’s it. That’s the reason.
I’ve noticed that people who struggle with boundaries also struggle with self-love and self-reliance. We fall on the opposite end of spectrum of narcissists and selfish individuals, and we vilify any act of putting ourselves first. But the reality is that this is a lazy approach, and deserved to be carefully examined. Often, we will experience a heart break or a deep loss that will force us to reexamine our paradigm come to realization that we must change who we are in order to not attract emotional vampires. It is our responsibility to stand up for ourselves, prioritize ourselves, and make the decisions on who we want to help.
In the future, when I raise my kids, I will teach them about boundaries. To be conscious of what they like and don’t like to be done to them, and having the courage to say no as soon as they are faced with a situation that does not serve them. I will teach them self love and self reliance, and breed them to develop a passion for helping others based on love and empathy, and not based on filling an empty voice. I will teach them to care for others, not caretake. Sometimes the most important lessons in life happen to us in the ugliest of ways, but in the long term, the ugliness gives birth to a beauty we have not yet imagined.
The Writer's Muse
Ever since I stopped sharing those pieces, I noticed a difference. Suddenly, I am not thinking about what I write all the time. Suddenly, I am actually writing for an audience of one, and that one is myself. What I was experiencing when I shared those pieces was the writing’s muse. All those pieces deep down were inspired by love, and by the need to impress. Many of the previous pieces I wrote were because I had her in mind, and she was my muse.
Love can be such a strong motivator. To get better. To fully expose our artistic instinct. To dive into expression. Any writer must have a reason to write. My writing is driven by my thoughts and feelings. And my thoughts and feelings deep down are centered around love.
Ideally, my future wife will be someone who appreciates my muse for her. Appreciates how much she inspires me, and appreciates all I do to improve myself and get better everyday, not just for myself, but for love. Love will tear us apart. But love could also bring us back together. For now, I’ll keep writing.
Syncopation
Perhaps my greatest gift is to be able to learn something in one arena, then transfer it over to another applicable area of knowledge.
In 2016, I took everything I learned from a car dealership and developed strong views on the importance of preventative healthcare, and how prevention is more important than band-aid fixes, just like how driving a car smoothly is better than running it to the ground.
Lately I’ve made this connection with music, and that is through syncopation. Syncopation is difficult, and non-trivial. It is hard in the short term, but once you are comfortable with it, it is so rewarding; it sounds too good.
I’ve read through Naval that when you have a choice, pick the more painful path in the short term. That will lead to more growth in the long term. This resonates with me strongly, as it seems my whole life is a series of painful events in the short term, but over the long term I seem to be growing exponentially.
Next time you have to pick between two songs to learn; pick the one with syncopation. It will be more tricky at first, but it will sound more satisfying once you put in your fair share of practice.
Princess Waltz
“Gratitude is the wine of the soul. Go on. Get drunk.”
Lately I’ve been trying to focus less on my goals, and more on my present well being and current state of existence. Adopting a cat has helped me tremendously with this. I am so grateful for my life. Grateful for my cat, which is filling my life with such joy. Grateful for my parents who have given me all they have. Grateful for my friends for pulling me out of my own ways, and for helping me see other sides of reality.
Tonight I sat my kitten on my lap, played Princess Waltz to her on my piano, and we both had a great time. This little moment turned my day upside down, and now I am going to sleep happy.
I am starting to believe the most important practice is gratitude. It must be practiced daily. The ancient religions figured it out long time ago. Prayer, meditation, and gratitude. To be thankful for what you have. To recognize the value of what you already posses, and not be hyperfocused on what it is that you want. We must never forget that at one point in the past we would have fought to the death to have what we have now, and now that we have it, it is through a daily practice of gratitude that we are able to hold on to it. Ironically, being in this state of gratefulness and low expectations will lead God to send more gifts your way.
The Realm of Ideas
Sometimes I forget that we live in a physical reality. I have been in isolation for almost 2 years, and I have spent too much time in my head. While this has had many benefits on the clarity of my thinking, my ability to reason, and having the time to reflect deeply on my life; it has made me far more idealistic. I spend too much time in the realm of ideas, and very little time in the real world.
The idea of being in a physical reality still messes with my head. The world is an interpretation. I see the good in people. I worry about how naive I am for overlooking the dark side of humans. Perhaps I see humans as beautiful beings, as kind souls with the need to express. Perhaps I empathize too much, I put myself in everyone’s shoes, even when the size is way off. Perhaps I am too idealistic, and I project a perfect image onto humans since something fragile about me cannot stand the thought of humans being ugly or doing ugly things. I do not know. Hopefully one day I will; until then, my ideas will keep my afloat.
Birth of Icarus
Halloween 2020, I met my mirror. We played chess. We battled with ideas back and forth, but we never spoke again. Halloween 2021, here we are, I am in a hazmat suit, and my mirror is a stingray. In the realm of ideas, I was a Greek God with wings, and my mirror was an orange frog.
Icarus was born. So was the frog. We spoke of many topics; privacy, heartbreak, loneliness, and what else there could be. We made plans to take over the internet. We turned ourselves into avatars.
I live for these deep connections. I live for mirrors. Serendipity, once again, turns my life upside down.
Why I Write
If you’re like me, you’re smart enough to know that you’re not that smart; and you are not fully certain of your thoughts or motives all the time. Ideas come to you like a jet stream, one after the other, and it is only through jotting them down on paper that you are able to better understand them, let alone yourself. This is why I keep many journals from years ago, so I can look at the patterns and see what changes and what holds constant.
People have different motives for writing. They vary drastically. In his 1946 essay “Why I write”, George Orwell mentioned that the primary motivation for his writing is driven by sheer egoism, aesthetic enthusiasm, a historical impulse, and only finally, a political purpose. Despite his writing having significant political impact, he has developed strong enough awareness to realize it is merely his 4th motive.
I tend to agree with Orwell. Very often we tend to think we are doing something entirely for the greater good, but we overlook our own personal needs and desires to be heard, recognized, and appreciated. When I would feel alone with my thoughts, it seems the pen and paper are there to listen, and I would go on about my fantasies and battle with ideas back and forth, and my notebooks would serve as a worthy audience. As an artist and human, I have an inherent need to express my ideas especially if I feel they have been the results of unique experiences that make them worth sharing.
So why do I write? I still don’t know. I get the feeling that I should, and I do it. It is like a calling. Perhaps it is something I inherited from my ancestors; after all, the Sumerians invented writing, and maybe I am just doing what I am programmed to do. But what keeps me writing is reading my novels and essays from 10 years ago, and learning about myself what it is like to be human. In the future I will likely write and publish many books, on all sorts of topics. Per Orwell’s historical impulse, I want my books to be of eternal significance. But for now, I don’t write for an audience. I write for myself. I write for my future self so he can look back and feel something. Besides hard work and self discipline, this is the best gift I can provide him.
Instagram Poison
Panic Selling
After spending enough time in the markets, you start seeing patterns of human behavior that leave you scratching your head. One of them is panic selling; the act of selling a stock because it starts dropping in price. You develop fear that you are going to lose your entire position, so you sell at a loss and then regret it later. I say this can leave you scratching your head because it is very common for a stock to drop in price, just like how it’s very common for a human to go through a period of hardship. The stock price almost always goes up after some time, if not doubling in value. If you’ve done the research and know what you’re doing, you will not sell. In fact, the intelligent investor will double down his position, knowing he is getting a good deal.
I see this analogy valid with human relationships. Good investors will see the value in you, and support you throughout hard times. Panic sellers will discard you when you start temporarily showing weakness or neediness. Good investors will jump back in on a position after they realize their mistakes. Bad investors will maintain to be stubborn as they regret seeing you rise from the ashes. It all comes down to how good a person can control their emotions, and whether a person is in control of their ego or the reverse. That’s why it is romantic when a couple stays together during hard times. It shows their love and commitment to each other despite both having many reasons to walk away; they find the one reason to stay. Panic sellers make terrible lovers, and worse investors in the markets.
The intelligent investor knows the value of their investment, and is a master of their emotions. The panic seller will lose on their investment by quickly discarding you with no sense of empathy. Surround yourself by good investors. Learn to be a good investor yourself. Invest in yourself and in other people. Don’t give up when things get hard, instead, double down if you can. The people you invest in will remember you as the one who stood by them during hard times, and you will reap the rewards when they prosper later on in life.
Power Games
Those who do not study history are doomed to repeat it. Throughout history, you read about people playing power games on each other. You read about people who rise to power and their ability to analyze and manipulate others. Countries trying to seize other countries. Army generals trying to silence the public. Statesmen forcing unethical mandates. The list goes on.
The real awakening happens when you realize such power games do not only exist in the history books. They’re present in your everyday interactions. Whether it be a corporate environment, the marketplace, or worse, with people who you have personal relationships with. You start becoming wary of the dark side of humans and the unmet childhoods needs that manifests in their adult lives.
If you’re like me, you have absolutely no interest in such games. You want to mind your own business, and go about enjoying your peaceful private life. So you isolate yourself and bury your head in the dirt for a while, and decide to not engage with the world. But this act of running away is a terrible fix. It’s like amputating your leg because you stubbed your toe. The most beautiful part about being human is having deep meaningful relationships, and meeting amazing individuals who share your view of this confusing world. You have to realize the world isn’t entirely a jungle, and yes, there are people with bad intentions who appear beautiful on the outside, but permanent isolation is not the answer.
Morning Routine
So you’ve experienced this; you wake up late, your day starts off wrong, and you start procrastinating since your perfectionism is now saying its not worth it to salvage the day. Just again try tomorrow. Oh by the way, you’re a loser.
So you say enough is enough, and you develop a morning routine, and you stick to it for a few days. You feel great. This is it. You’ve figured it out. Until some time passes, and you get up early and have no idea why you are getting up early, there’s no reason to get up; and you fall back asleep. You wake up late, and you beat yourself up. And thus the cycle continues.
The thing you need to realize is that self-discipline isn’t hard because of lack of motivation, it’s the lack of clarity that adds resistance. Your morning routine doesn’t begin in the morning. It begins the night before. The first few hours of your morning are extremely precious in terms of your dopamine reserves, and the best way to use them is to have a clear path that is well thought of the night before. This way you spend more time doing, less time debating what you should be doing.
In other words, the single most important habit you need to build is before you go to sleep. To reflect on the day, to think about what you want to achieve tomorrow morning first thing, and why you want to achieve it. Perhaps keep a notebook on your bed or desk, somewhere you cannot miss it. This level of clarity will allow you to wake up and execute right away, and not waste time figuring out what to do, or worse, trying to motivate yourself to do it.
Next time you catch yourself beating yourself up, remember, you’re lacking clarity, not motivation. Find clarity. Let your goals be the path of least resistance.
Failure
Failure is the most valuable form of feedback you can ever receive. It’s the fastest way to get settled with reality.
I had to learn this in the most extreme of ways earlier this year. April 2021 is a month I will never forget. Up until this point, I was living in fear and scarcity. I had done everything to avoid failure, and life caught up to me. I was 3 years into my research program, and still had no papers published. I was feeling lost and restrained by personal issues I was going through. Then, things kept getting worse. My aunt passed away. My online business failed. My stocks portfolio crashed. I put too much pressure on my bestfriend who was also going through a hard time, and we had a falling out. I fell into a deep dark hole, and there seemed to be no way out. Nothing or no one to run to.
Devastated, I found myself all alone against a giant dragon, with flames bursting from his breath. I was in hell, and the heat was unbearable. Worse, I had no weapons; my sword was dull and brittle. I told myself this is it. This is my baptism. This is graduation. I had no option but to start sharpening my sword. I had to face the beast.
I started seeking the answers. I immersed myself into books. I started journaling every day. I studied my patterns, my childhood, and what got me here. Journaling all my thoughts. Instead of running away from my negative thoughts, I fully immersed myself in them. I’d face them head on. Show me all you’ve got. I used music and writing to express my temporary sadness and defeat, and spent countless nights laying on the floor, staring at the ceiling, wondering how I’m ever going to make it.
Then I realized I did have someone to run towards. I ran to my heroes. I thought to myself; at 24 years old, 50 Cent was shot 9 times, Eminem’s first album barely sold, and Elon Musk was homeless and writing code day and night. By 27 years old, Fifty had the best debut album, Eminem was the king of Rap, and Elon was starting his dream company. I kept telling myself, 3 years, let me struggle for 3 years. I accepted suffering. It was only in this state of acceptance that the magic started happening. I started seeing a different man in the mirror.
Slowly but surely, it all started to click for me. I had it all backwards. I started feeling light. I realized the luxury of being a beginner again, and fell off my high horse to find myself yet again a humble student of life. I was so light that I had nothing to lose. I started applying for jobs. I started delivering food. I made a YouTube channel. I started teaching others what I know. I got a remote job as an engineer, and another as a professor. I started paying off my debt. I published my first research paper, and it won the best paper award. Then another one, and another one. I remodeled my basement, and turned it into the coolest learning environment in the world, and that made me excited about designing my future house. I started working out and playing soccer again. I started coaching people in building habits and routines, pursuing my passion for lifestyle design. I was suddenly living the life of my dreams. I reinvented myself.
I started viewing my time with my friends and family as invaluable, and I began a daily gratitude and prayer practice that brought me back to the present moment. Most importantly, journaling day and night made me rediscover my passion for writing. I started this page, where I write my thoughts primarily for myself, so I can study myself and track how my ideas change over time. I share them in case someone happens to read them and feel inspired.
As my 25th birthday approaches, I no longer fear failure. I welcome it with all its wisdom. I go out of my way to find it. I am aware of life’s surprises, so I no longer set rigid long-term goals. I still have a long-term vision, but its not discrete nor detailed. I am living the moment. I am immersing myself into my art and my research, and taking it day by day. That being said, I am excited about what serendipity has in store for me. I am excited about my future failures, thrilled to tackle them head first, and can’t wait to see all the valuable lessons they have in store for me. Failure is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. It can be for you too, so go out there and fail. Fail as hard as you can. Crash and burn, then get up and shrug it off. Then keep failing. You will meet yourself. You will become your own hero. You will never be the same again.
Heaven to my Ears
Despite my love for writing, I often complain that words are not a good means of expression, let alone communication. Too many misunderstandings are the result of our inefficient languages. I do acknowledge that each language has its own charm; like how deliberately poetic Arabic is, or how romantic Spanish is, or how functional and configurable German is; we still happen to live in a time where misunderstandings are costly to our close relationships and daily interactions. I’ve always been conscious of this, and put a lot of effort towards carefully selecting my words to truly deliver my thoughts or feelings. I still fail.
Luckily for me, there is one thing that has always worked. And that is to skip the words, and go straight into feelings, without a medium. That is exactly what music does for me.
Music has no vocabulary. No grammar. No dictionaries. No modulation schemes. No methods of matching sound to interpretation. It taps directly into our souls, and makes us experience things that words cannot induce. Major keys sound happy? enthusiastic? cheerful? And likewise, minor keys sound sad? melancholic? depressing? — we do not need a word to interpret the feeling. We just feel based on what we hear. Despite me playing multiple instruments, composing, and producing music, I still feel like I’m barely touching the surface of what such magical vibrations in the air have to offer in terms of how I see the world.
If you’re feeling sad, you can try to describe to me what you’re feeling with words, or stronger, you can send me a song that resonates with how you feel, hopefully with as little words as possible. Ideally, you’re a pianist, and you use 88 keys or less to pour your heart out into my ears. Press the keys hard and loud so I cannot hear what you’re saying. Only the music. Only then I can understand you.
Machine Learning
“Life is not happening to me, life is happening for me” — sounds nice on paper. But what if I could prove it to you? You see, the term machine learning has existed for much longer than you think; research on it began over 70 years ago. It’s just that you are hearing about it now since we have fast enough computers to actually perform machine learning algorithms.
So how do you train the machine to learn? You feed it massive amounts of data, and you allow it to start to find patterns in those data sets. The more data you feed it, the more concrete the patterns look. That’s about it. The data sets don’t just randomly fall into the machine, they are by design fed into the machine, hence they happen for the machine, not merely to it.
The key idea in machine learning is that every event that happens, good or bad, trains the machine. It gives the machine new knowledge, and that allows it to make better decisions. On a long enough timeline, any piece of information you present for the machine to learn is useful, and helps it get a stronger grasp on reality and be able to make better decision as time goes on.
This is exactly how your brain works. You are the machine. And all the series of events in life, positive and negative, are simply training you to grasp reality, and learn more about yourself in the process. Humans have the ability to overcome any hardship, including public humiliation, due to this machine learning instinct built into us. There’s no problem you can’t solve and no difficulty you can’t overcome.
With this in mind, you know that life happens for you, not to you. Every good or bad thing was sent to you to train you, to help you tap more into your inner self or simply develop more awareness of your surroundings. No losses are permanent. Hardships are long-term victories. The universe is conspiring to give you what you want, it’s just not gonna happen in the way you want it.
Arlene
There are many memorable love stories. But there’s one in particular that sits dear in my heart. It happens to be of my favorite physicist. I have so much respect for Richard Feynman. Not only for his exceptional ability to deeply understand and explain microscopic phenomena, but for his unconditional love and support to his first wife, Arline.
They fell in love despite him going away for college. They stayed in touch over the distance and got closer. Eventually, as they got engaged, Arlene started falling sick, and it appeared that she had a rare form of tuberculosis that would make her death appear around the corner.
Despite the wishes of his family, especially his aunts who did not want him near a sickly woman, Richard married Arlene, and went on to spend few years with her in the hospital where he was was only able to visit her once a week. They couldn’t even kiss, as the doctors feared the bacteria could impair her immunity further. Despite this, he was making significant progress on his physics, and working towards discoveries that would then earn him the Nobel prize.
Arline was the artist in Richard’s life. While he was so caught up with the physics, she would talk to him about poetry, literature, and seeing things from an aesthetic sense. This had a deep impact on him. Whenever she’d ask him to do something he thought was embarrassing, she would say “What do you care what other people think?” which became the title of the where book that he tells this story. She supported him every step in the way, and filled his life with such joy, even though they couldn’t physically touch. Behind every great man is a woman, and behind Richard there was Arline.
Arline would eventually pass away, and Richard would internalize this loss such that two years after her death, he wrote her this following letter:
“October 17, 1946
D’Arline,
I adore you, sweetheart.
I know how much you like to hear that — but I don’t only write it because you like it — I write it because it makes me warm all over inside to write it to you.
It is such a terribly long time since I last wrote to you — almost two years but I know you’ll excuse me because you understand how I am, stubborn and realistic; and I thought there was no sense to writing.
But now I know my darling wife that it is right to do what I have delayed in doing, and that I have done so much in the past. I want to tell you I love you. I want to love you. I always will love you.
I find it hard to understand in my mind what it means to love you after you are dead — but I still want to comfort and take care of you — and I want you to love me and care for me. I want to have problems to discuss with you — I want to do little projects with you. I never thought until just now that we can do that. What should we do. We started to learn to make clothes together — or learn Chinese — or getting a movie projector. Can’t I do something now? No. I am alone without you and you were the “idea-woman” and general instigator of all our wild adventures.
When you were sick you worried because you could not give me something that you wanted to and thought I needed. You needn’t have worried. Just as I told you then there was no real need because I loved you in so many ways so much. And now it is clearly even more true — you can give me nothing now yet I love you so that you stand in my way of loving anyone else — but I want you to stand there. You, dead, are so much better than anyone else alive.
I know you will assure me that I am foolish and that you want me to have full happiness and don’t want to be in my way. I’ll bet you are surprised that I don’t even have a girlfriend (except you, sweetheart) after two years. But you can’t help it, darling, nor can I — I don’t understand it, for I have met many girls and very nice ones and I don’t want to remain alone — but in two or three meetings they all seem ashes. You only are left to me. You are real.
My darling wife, I do adore you.
I love my wife. My wife is dead.
Rich.
PS Please excuse my not mailing this — but I don’t know your new address.”
The Advancing Man
If there is one man you should never bet against, it is the advancing man. The man with deep reservoirs of curiosity. Who is hungry for knowledge. Who is searching for the truth. Who learns from everyone. Who takes action from the books he reads, and doesn’t just accumulate knowledge. Who leads and teaches others what he knows. Never bet against him, for the simple reason that such man does not know failure. Failure does not exist in his dictionary.
The advancing man never gives up. Views life as a laboratory for learning. Views every hardship as a gift from the universe to steer him towards what truly matters. Is convinced that the universe is conspiring to give him what he wants.
The man who’s inner child is so alive that he’s always day dreaming. Always seeing possibilities. Gravitating towards his mission in life, step by step, while taking care of his people. The advancing man has a uniquely pleasing personality around others, but such man is built in solitude. It is in his lonely hours where he’s in touch with his ideas and emotions, planning his escape.
Beware the advancing man. Never bet against him. He will lose many battles in the short term, but in the long run he will be unstoppable.
The Mystical Universe
Perhaps the most mind blowing realization regarding quantum fields is the is the idea that reality can change based on the observer; that is, by observing reality, you are changing reality. The idea of reality has messed with my head for a really long time, and it still does. On the one hand, reality happens in your head. Everything you come across as reality can be summed up as mere interpretations, this means you shape your own reality by the simple acts of acting and observing. But on the other hand, there seems to be a universe that you fall into, and its hard to tell whether your presence can alter it, let alone shape it.
To me, this is the most fascinating thing about being human. We live in this mystical universe, where we have absolutely no idea what is going on. We know that a charge exerts an electric field, but we have no idea why the charge is there in the first place. And why is it a charge? And who designed it? We have no clue. I laugh at people who claim with confidence that they have the answers. Nobody has the answers. We have ideas. Approximations. Beliefs. Our human brain is too limited, at least at this stage, to make sense of this vast fantasy we call reality. And even if we do tap into more computation, we are inside the box, and what is outside is shaped by algorithms beyond the upper bound of our imagination. Geeks call it simulation hypothesis. Monotheists call it God. Doesn’t matter what you call it; it is likely is that there is a source that has designed this universe so elegantly. What does it look like? We don’t know. We can’t know. You can’t prove it with science, nor can you disprove it. You can only observe the universe and feel something. This is what’s so powerful about faith, it acknowledges our lack of complete understanding, and finds peace in surrendering.
It gets more intense when you realize you aren’t the only one thinking about this. With a person acting as your mirror, you get more complex, and dive deep as you elope. Finding like minded people becomes thrilling, and falling in love becomes so addicting; to be with someone who sees the world the way you see it, can anything beat that? As if you each represent one lens in a set of binoculars that make everything look more beautiful. Am I the universe? Are you? Or am we merely a part of it? We will never know. For now, let’s just enjoy being here.
The Solopreneur Journey
The hard thing about being a solopreneur isn’t that you’re a one-man shop, nor is it the amount of work that you can’t outsource, whether you lack the funds, or it relies too heavily on your creativity. But it’s the fact that this journey is lonely by its very nature. All the doubts, the long nights, the cold winters; all shape a massive wall of bricks that you have to tackle on your own. You have to be your own cheerleader. The only thing that keeps you sane is having faith that you are doing the right thing, and following your intuition independent of the outcome.
This is why most people quit on their dream projects and settle for a regular job. There just seems to be no light at the end of the tunnel. It’s a dark tunnel, and nothing is guaranteed. You have no guidance. No outside funding. No investors. Worse, at your first failures, some people will give up on you, and the voice of self-doubt will creep up on you and there will seem to be no way out. You have to slay the dragon, and you have no one to run to.
But what if there’s a different way to look at it? What if this lonely phase where no one is invested in you gives you the freedom to experiment and not be attached to any outcome? To try new things, get to learn more about yourself, make a fool out of your self knowing you are too small for anyone to care? What if the process itself the reward, and having the luxury of immersing yourself into this process is exactly where you need to be on your journey of self-actualization and becoming the artist you are destined to become?
Soon enough the world will be your playground. You will look back on those times and see the beauty in them. Might as well start seeing it now.
Calibration
What I love about learning is that it never ends. It’s a constant back and forth between coming up with theories and testing them, and swinging between two ways you can think about any matter. Going back and forth between opposing thoughts until you reach a point of convergence can lead to a deep understanding of a certain matter. I call this process calibration.
I model it like a damped-mass spring system. A differential equation. Initially you will have a strong biased view of a situation, then after some time passes, you develop a completely opposing view, or be open to think deeply about an opposing view. You oscillate across the x-axis. The magic happens over time when the attenuation factor kicks in, and you start balancing the two schools of thought which eventually converge to a reasonable representation of what you think reality is for that specific matter.
The trick is to always seek new input, as long as you want to learn about that specific matter. The most important matter to think about is yourself; your place within the world, and what you contribute on a small and large scale. For that, it is crucial to surround yourself with those who bring the best in you by directly challenging you; challenging your beliefs and view of the world, a providing you with input that you can use to take action. The more you calibrate yourself right now, the more your future self, and the world, will thank you.
Space-based Internet
Soon enough, everyone on Earth will have internet access. No more blockades. Everyone will access information and be able to communicate and express themselves. Everyone with a keyboard or a camera will be able to reach the rest, accelerating our odyssey towards true enlightenment.
I am lucky to be at the forefront of spacecraft research. Developing technology to make satellites talk to each other faster is something I never imagined I was going to work on. I used to want to be a science fiction author, well, I’ve become one, except I am not writing about the future. I am creating it.
My Little Daria
Cats are misunderstood. We often view them as independent, aloof creatures that do not crave company or closeness. That couldn’t be farther from the truth. Cats, especially ones who experienced abandonment early on, crave closeness a lot more than we think; our false reasoning can be driven by their often fearful and avoidant behavior. This behavior can be reversed, although it takes work.
Recently I adopted a 2 month-old kitten. She was left alone in a parking lot, and someone found her and brought her to my local shelter. When I saw her, she had a fearful look in her eye, but when I held her, she was as warm as the sea. I knew I had to bring her home, and it was the best decision I’ve ever made. Her name was to be Daria, a common Russian female name originating back to “sea” in Persian.
Raising a kitty is not easy. All the scratching and biting and hyperactive behavior can push adopters away, but to go through the challenge of conditioning such creature is beyond rewarding. The right food, the right toys, the right schedule, the right attitude and patience; it’s no easy task. But it is me who gets the better end of the deal. She keeps me on a schedule, and makes me more accountable and responsible. She greets me when I come back home with love, and jumps around me in anticipation of spending time with her. She has made my laboratory at home a lot more welcoming. She sits on my lap as I am solving complicated physics problems, and pays attention as if she’s solving them with me. When I’d be too frustrated with a research problem, I’d catch her doing something funny, and it would make me laugh and bring me back to the present moment. She senses when I’m stressed and brings me a gift, usually a toy so we can play together. And when I am tired at the end of the night and lay in my chair and read, she jumps on my lap and takes a nap. My friends and family now come to visit her, not me. I jokingly get mad, but it makes my heart warm.
Raising my cat helped me learn many things about humans. We are all products of our conditioning. We often take things too personally, and jump to label people as evil or narcissistic when they don’t treat us in a way we deserve or expect. The reality is almost everyone is on a healing journey, and placing high expectations only hurts everyone involved. When people hurt us or disappoint us, we should not pinpoint fingers and play blame games, it only hurts us further, but rather we should empathize with the pain and fear they have bottled up that lead them to take such action, and provide them with the feedback to help them heal if possible. Only then we can peacefully walk away. They may mistake our kindness for weakness, but it doesn’t matter, it’s not about how we are perceived, but rather what we can unconditionally contribute and give to the universe in this short thrilling existence. Living in this neutral unresentful state makes surrendering to life a lot easier and more fulfilling.
If you’re reading this, I highly encourage you to adopt a cat. Many cats need a home, and they can bring such joy to your life. If you have a brutal winter to prepare for, now is the time, go get you a warm buddy to help you get through it!
Idealistic
We are on the verge of dystopia. Or utopia. It’s not so easy to tell. We have people fighting hard for a free egalitarian society, through technology. We have others destroying social constructs and enlarging the inequality gap, also through technology. From where I am standing, it can go either way. Many have great ideas, and express it through rhetoric, but it’s crucial to remember that it’s action and not intention that shapes events. History is a series of what has happened, not what we wish has happened.
There are many battles on different fronts. I happen to engage in a few that I believe matter; innovation, education, and helping people develop the ability to critically think and question. That’s the ultimate skill. No more misinformed choices. No more blindly following ill-intentioned hungry-for-power fools.
Perhaps I am a bit idealistic, but I believe we will win. We have the power to shape a more exciting existence, to have the ride of a lifetime in every lifetime. Those who read George Orwell’s 1984 know that to be blindly optimistic is naive, but to be realistically optimistic requires serious action. Action through preservation of what makes us human, our ability to imagine and express. Action through art, engineering, entrepreneurship, and making the right investments. Investing in ourselves and teaching others what we know. Investing in the future we are dying to experience. Will you join us?
Turning Pro
We have the opportunity of a lifetime. We will have no one to blame but ourselves. We can’t be amateurs forever. Long gone those days. We are passionate artists. We are writers. We are poets. We are engineers. We are musicians. We are merely travelers. We won’t be on this Earth forever. We look death right in the eye.
We’re searching for the truth. For deep connections. For eternal love. Sure, we dabble in new things from time to time, but by now we have figured out what matters. We have figured out where to double down and where to walk away. We have identified our strengths and weaknesses. We’ve killed the parasites. We know who supported us, and who gave up on us. We know who’s invested in us, and they’ve invested big time. We can’t let them down. We can’t let each other down. We figured out why we cracked when we did, and why we prospered when we did. We spent months in meditation and reflection. We praised Godin and Pressfield. We’ve become the heroes we’ve worshipped. We are now in the shipping business. We can only make things work.
There will be thunderstorms. There will be earthquakes. There will be black swans. If we succumb to the pressure, we stay amateurs. But if we prosper during hard times, we are pro. There will be self doubt, but we will never crack again. We are fighting till the end. Quarter of a century in one month. We will celebrate big. We won’t throw a party. It won’t be a trip to Hawaii. It won’t be a new guitar. It will be far more profound. The gift we can give each there is to change things forever. To never look back. To turn pro.
Emotional Outlets
We all have bad days. Sometimes you wake up and all you can feel is melancholy. A mild sadness. An emptiness. Sometimes its not so bad, other times you feel stuck in an abyss with no clear way out. Some people choose to ignore such feelings, to “think positive” and remove the need to experience negative emotions altogether. I think that’s a terribly flawed approach, you cannot run away from emotions, you only bottle them up. This is why most people experience a relief after a session of intense crying, even though crying is an act of indulging in sadness to the point of physical manifestation.
What I find to be most appropriate is to have an emotional outlet. Be it a person or device. Perhaps a close friend or someone you are deeply in love with, but even with the luxury of having such person, we are often hesitant to dump our sadness onto others, especially if they are on a quest to seize all, and we tend to tell ourselves that we can’t slow them down.
The alternative is a device, an activity. Be it a notebook and a pen, or a musical instrument, a long hike, or it could be laying down on the floor staring at the ceiling for some time. For me it’s always been music; how fortunate are we to live in a time where we have access to all kinds of music? I’ve noticed that people who are in touch with their emotions value music in a different way, as if its the blood and oxygen of expressing emotions when words can no longer do such a job. Chopin said “Sometimes I can only groan and suffer, and pour out my despair at the piano.”
This is why I drive an hour and a half for piano lessons even though there’s plenty of teachers nearby. The problem is the teachers nearby only focus on technique. Tactics. Instructions. The one who’s in touch with her emotions, and pours her heart out at the piano, happens to live an hour and half away, and I am glad to make the drive. She uses the piano as her emotional outlet. Because I am not learning how to tap few keys. I am not learning technique. I am learning how to express myself using 88 keys, and for that I am willing to make the drive.
When people tell you to ignore your emotions, hold your ground. Maybe they haven’t found their outlet yet, wish them luck. Of course there are times when you have important things to take care of, and in those moments you should push through it, but if you’re still feeling the melancholy, run to your outlet. Run to your lover, or run to your piano. You’ll wake up the next day and feel on top of the world again.
What is the Alternative?
Life is hard, and at times scary. It’s easy to get cuddled up in a comfy corner and call it quits. The risk is too big. The downside is too much. Follow your dreams? Think big? Take big risks? You can feel the anxiety sky rocketing. You back away, and go back to your warm corner.
I know the risk is big. But you have to ask yourself, what is the alternative? What’s a life spent without shaping it to your own taste? What’s a journey without a quest to run into like minded artists who will share your joy and pain? Without pushing through, what else is there?
You’re concerned about the risk of failure. But have you thought about the risk of regret? I’ve read once that when you look back on your life, you’ll think about the cool things you’ve done, but you’ll also think about the things you could have done. I know you can’t do everything, nor should you try to, but I am willing to bet there’s a thing or two that your heart is pushing you to pursue, and you haven’t given yourself permission to. If you don’t, what is the alternative?
The road of an artist is rocky and foggy, and many times you are tempted to quit. You have to push through. When you give up temporarily, you die a little bit inside. But when you give up on yourself for good, you are eternally dead. You isolate your soul, and turn into a biological robot. Don’t do that. Become the artist you were born to become. Become what makes you human. Follow your heart, not the alternative.
The Connection we Crave
I have been in isolation for about a year and a half, and it has been one of the most magical times of my life. I wrote my first book, started my first company, read tons of books, spent countless hours reflecting, started my YouTube channel, and more important than all of that, God sent me an emotional mirror that allowed me to take a deep look at myself, and experience things I had not thought imaginable, a true gift.
For the past few months, I’ve been doing the work; identifying and shattering self limiting beliefs while surrendering to life’s serendipitous gifts. I am changing my ways. Taking a different approach. All this time, I’ve never been to me. It feels like I am meeting myself for the first time. My 17 year old self worked hard to get me here, and my 21 year old self followed his heart and asked the right questions. My 24 year old self finally gets it. That’s where I am now. My 30 year old self is watching me through his memories, I hope I am making him proud.
I believe that deep connections to other people is what makes life truly magical, especially those with artistic instincts and a strong touch with their emotions. Those make the best humans, ones you can think with but also feel things with. But a connection that most of us crave and are not aware of is that with our own selves, our inner child, our younger versions of ourselves.
I used to get angry at myself for being too fearful, or for being insecure in certain areas of life. Now I no longer get mad. I smile. I picture my 7 year old self breaking down in fear and anxiety, going through a war and not sure what is going on. I see all the fears he had developed and all the emotions he had boxed in, and I smile, I picture myself giving him a hug. I am proud of him.
Often we are too hard on ourselves. I really don’t think that’s a good approach to life. Sure, at times when you’re being lazy or procrastinating it’s good to kick your own ass, but there’s no need for the anger and resentment. Self love is self reliance, but it is also self acceptance. The connection we crave is that with our own selves. We must do the necessary work to get there, or else we will sleep walk through life.
Geeks with Technique
We’re surely lucky to live in the information age, but every good thing in life comes with a trade off. The consumption of knowledge is no exception. What you gain by sitting home, taking courses, reading books, and listening to podcasts all day, you lose in another way.
Consuming knowledge is great if you are looking for sustainable long-term change. It is problematic if you are looking for short term fixes. This can be the case when humans sit home all day and absorb sets of instructions, then go out in the real world and apply them blindly without reflection. Some don’t even make it out. I call them geeks with technique.
The problem is you can’t outsmart life. Books are great for giving you ideas and other ways of seeing the world, but reading a book won’t change who you are. You have to do the work. Memorizing pick up lines and taking them to a bar won’t get a girl interested in you if you aren’t even interested in your own life. Using the right phrases in sales won’t work if you have the self image of a bad salesman, and don’t even believe in your product. Techniques are bandaid solutions. It is your experiences and actions that determine your results. Tactics won’t work every time. You can’t cut cornets. You have to do the work. Yourself.
So how do you do the work? Get out in the real world and interface with real people. Learn from experience. Reflect. Take chances. Crash and burn, then get up and shrug it off. If needed, find a skilled therapist, or journal your days and nights away. Do the work, skip the tactics, and take charge of your own life. To live a life worth living, you have to make it your own. Don’t memorize what someone else has told you. Don’t become a geek with technique.
Distortions
I used to think succeeding as an adult meant learning as much as I can. I was wrong. Succeeding as an adult is more about unlearning what was dumped onto you as a child, and figuring out what’s worth keeping. A trip down memory lane.
This became clear to me when I recently started to realize that my view of the world had very little to do with the world, and very much with how I perceived it. You see, the world is merely an interpretation, a story you tell yourself on a daily basis, and many adults spend their whole lives with stories that they did not write. Someone else wrote for them, perhaps circumstances, that made the world very dark. This is where chronic anxiety, unhealthy attachments, and pessimism emerge. It may take a heartbreak or a falling out to recognize this.
The good news is you can change your worldview. The bad news is it takes a lot of work; psychotherapy, reading books, and long hours of reflection. Its doable, so don’t live with a distorted worldview. Identify the distortions. Change your attitude. Your view of the world can serve you or hinder you, you pick.
Applied Faith
If you’ve ever gone cliff jumping, you know the thrill of the jump, but you surely know the fear and anxiety prior to the jump. What if you land wrong and break something? What if there’s hidden rocks at the bottom? What if you die? All the voices start creeping in your head. You start thinking about backing away.
Then something amazing happens. Once you know this is safe, and people have done it before, a different voice starts to emerge. This voice requires you to summon it, but its not so easy to summon. This voice says “you can handle it”, “you’ve survived worse”, and “if you can get through this, you’re unstoppable.” You decide to listen to that voice and take a leap of faith, and jump.
Then you land in the freezing cold water, but it feels so warm. You climb out of the pond and get smacked by the freezing wind, but none of that matters. You’re as warm as a blanket. You’re only thinking to yourself; “Wow, that wasn’t nearly as bad as it looked from above” — you feel like you are born again.
To me, this highlights the value of applied faith. Applied because faith isn’t just a few words you trick yourself with, you have to apply it. You have to take action under belief things will be okay. I love the the cliff jump because if you expand it out, the seconds before the jump resemble all the days and months you spend in worry and inaction due to not getting the results you wanted, or obsessing over failures and heartbreaks. But you have to jump, and to jump you need to apply the faith that the other side will be amazing and refreshing. Screw the reward, applying the faith is the reward. Apply the faith that you will look back on those hard times and laugh that you were even worried, and be proud of what you can handle. We all know what its like to back away from the jump, the regrets and the what-ifs, the missing out on the invincible rush of the cold water. If you live everyday with faith, isn’t that so freeing? Isn’t that a life worth living?
Your time on this Earth is limited. Your time with loved ones is limited. Life’s too short not to follow your heart. Do the right thing regardless of the outcome. Forget the outcome. The process is where magic happens. Pour your heart out in the process, and have faith that things will work out. Let the chips fall where they may. When you look back, you’ll smile knowing you spent your time doing what matters to you and that is enough.
The Inner Game of Golf
I love my friends, especially when they get me to try new things. Lately I’ve picked up golf. I don’t really care for the sport, it just felt amazing being out in the green and surrounded by the trees and ponds. My friend had a spare set that I would use and my first time I barely hit the ball. He was pleased to see me not get frustrated and maintain my good mood. “I honestly come here more for the nature and having a good time rather than for the golf” I would say. “Good”, he would nod.
After my second time going, I started making contact on the ball. By the fourth time, I would barely miss. By the fifth time, I would send the ball flying in the air consistently, and by the sixth time I had hit my first par. Woah. What I thought would take me months only took me few tries. What was the secret? Simple, I did not care about the outcome. I was enjoying the process. My swing is not even that great, I would just look at the ball, breathe in the good air, and go full send.
This inner game of golf served a great reminder for me. How good results can come when you are simply out there, showing up, and enjoying yourself. Many times we focus too much on the outcome. This is especially the case for the art we ship to the world. If you have a business that depends on it, I can understand, but if you are doing it as a passion, this is suicide. I used to set goals like “publish 10 papers, get 5 patents, have 3 internships, etc.” — I no longer set those goals. I am changing my ways. Taking a different approach. I have one goal. To simply show up, put in the work, and enjoy myself in the process. Divorce the process from the outcome. Ironically, doing this, I know the outcome will be better.
The Victor
If you think you’re done, you are. If you think you can’t, you’re right. The winner is the one who thinks he can. It’s all in the state of mind.
Love and Dignity
My most frustrating observation of human behavior lies in the conflict between love and dignity. People are often afraid to admit their feelings to others, afraid to speak honestly and openly. It feels as if you can’t blame them, since the recipient has a likelihood of responding coldly if responding at all. It’s a two way tragedy. If we were to consider dignity as part of self-love, and ‘love’ as love towards others, there should be no conflict, nor should there be a trade-off.
Love and dignity can be achieved simultaneously. You can express your love to a person and that would not add or subtract anything to your self-worth. The answer really is simple, and that is honest effective communication. I believe most problems in the world stem from misunderstandings, people unable to express their ideas and feelings to people who are then unable to listen and examine carefully. Of course emotions take this even further, where instead of hearing out the person we choose to replace their responses with hypothetical ones stemmed from our own minds. Often the fearful part of our minds. Or worse, the too wishful part. As humans we still do not fully control our own mind, it often controls us in these situations until we decide to wake up.
But there’s amazing news, you can wake up! You can learn those skills. You can learn to be more comfortable with communicating honestly and effectively, and not fear the consequences. You can become more secure. You can express your ideas and be heard, and you can listen effectively to others. You can recognize your fear of being let down, and face it with courage and open yourself to the world. What do you care what other people think anyway? Whether the distinction between love and dignity go hand in hand or sit on opposite ends of the spectrum entirely comes down to how you can handle fear, and whether you control your mind or your mind controls you. Find yourself an emotional mirror and reflect on your perception of love; once you start communicating your ideas and feelings more effectively you will no longer have that fear.
Reinvent Yourself
“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change who we are.” — I came across this in Viktor Frankl’s “Man’s Search for Meaning” and I think it could not be said any better. We are often faced with difficult situations that place us in darkness. We wonder how we are ever going to recover. But what if it was a gift? What if you’ve been putting off becoming your ideal version, and now you have no other choice? What if it was a gift to strip you from your comfort and place you in difficulty so you have no choice but to double down on yourself? After all, isn’t hardship what helps us grow?
Whenever you find yourself in a difficult situation that forces you to become better in certain areas in your life, remind yourself, what if it was a gift? Then go on to reinvent yourself. Your best version yet.
Let Go
What scarier than the unknown? Our brains have been programmed to stick to what is familiar, even if it’s subpar. As soon as you even think about the unknown, fear kicks in. Anxiety sky rockets. You work hard to stay in familiar territory. You enter a losing battle with reality. You believe action is the only way to control, and to control is the only way to live. You lose yourself in the process.
But what if you’ve got it all backwards? What if you trying to control everything, and trying to make sense of everything is what’s keeping you stuck? In our ever so rapidly changing world, there’s too many variables to track about yourself, let alone other people and external events. You can’t control everything, and that is okay. Sometimes you have to take a leap of faith into the unknown, and continue to optimize yourself and take chances in the process.
When I was 6 years old, I was stubborn about not wanting new video games, I already liked the ones I had. I was afraid to let go. I didn’t know what I was missing out on. I later ended up loving my new games. When I was 17, I was shocked I didn’t get into my first choice university, and I was devastated. So I went to my second choice. Few years later I was interning at NASA and doing a PhD. How did that turn out?
Sometimes things don’t work out in your favor, and when you have tried your absolute best and realize you no longer have ability to control the situation, the only thing you can control is belief that something better awaits. Let go.
Supply and Demand
There is no doubt that we live in an incredible time. This is an era that humans have worked so hard for so long to reach. Although some might believe life is becoming more competitive, and the marketplace is more challenging to penetrate, I see the complete opposite. I see a shift from the competitive plane into the creative plane.
Supply and demand is the foundation of business and employment. If your skills are in demand, and there’s no one else to do the job, you get the job. But this is where people get it wrong. They define skills by degree, or internship, or some work experience in some area, or some software they learned to use. From that aspect, sure, you get lost with all the others and the supply becomes diluted. This is the competitive plane. But you are no longer applying to be a factory worker, you are a unique human being with artistic capabilities that can merge with your technical training. From that essence, the supply is very limited, it is only you, for your uniqueness is your greatest asset, there is literally no one else like you.
So how do you make the shift from the competitive plane and into the creative plane? Simple, become even more unique. Develop a diverse set of skills that highlight your personality which involves your artistic instincts. Every human is an artist. You have emotions and you have perspective, and you have the ability to express yourself. That is what art is, it’s subjective and beautiful. Travel. Take risks. Learn about other cultures. Study areas outside of your field. Develop meaningful friendships. Fall deeply in love. Become obsessed with learning. Make mistakes and laugh at yourself. Get in touch with your feelings and connect your mind to your heart. That’s the one advantage you have against robots. Show your art in your work. Put yourself out there and pour your heart into your work, then ship it to the world and see what happens. Let serendipity do its thing.
The way I see it is that smart organizations will recognize you and appreciate you more that way, and may even create a custom position to suit your uniqueness. But you have to be really good. So good that they can’t ignore you. And if they do, then you are so good that self-employment becomes your safety net.
To Take is a Mistake
If you watch beginners play chess, almost always you’ll see players go for exchanges of pieces when possible. For no reason. Just cause it really feels like the right thing to do. It’s easy. It’s action. I used to do this all the time until I heard the saying “to take is a mistake”; i.e. you shouldn’t really exchange pieces unless there is some benefit. This required me to think, something I didn’t really do when I would take a pawn or a bishop and give up mine. This really stuck with me.
Very often we take the action of least resistance and illude ourselves that we are taking action. I do believe that massive action is the holy grail, and no amount of manifestation can replace a small ounce of action, but we often find ourselves taking action without taking action; engaging in activities that do not really fuel our intellectual, emotional, or spiritual growth, but merely pass the time. We take, and we don’t really know why.
Next time you catch yourself doing something and not really knowing why, ask yourself what the benefit is. That’s the first step to waking up.
Rejection > Regret
Nobody likes to feel rejected. No doubt about that. Whether it is a job you applied for, or a person whom you thought were the love of your life, or even a professor who did not reply to your e-mail. Small rejections sting and big rejections put you in what appears to be a deep hole with no visible way out.
So you get burnt, you get stung, and you get heartbroken. You decide enough is enough, and you go on to live a passive quiet life. Then what? Then life goes by fast, as it does, and you look back and ask yourself, what if I kept trying? What would have things been like? What if I applied for another job? What if that girl was going through a hard time? What if I followed up with that professor? What if things were different?
Although I have only spent 24 years on this Earth, I have accumulated enough experiences that make me choose rejection over regret any day. I do what I do because I do not want to have regrets. I choose love over ego. I choose to see the good in people. At times it feels naive, and I do crash and burn, but I get up, shrug it off, and try again. Facing rejection is what allows you to take action and experience something amazing or move on fast. There’s no time to dwell. You have to polarize. Choose rejection over regret, for you only experience rejection in the moment, but the abyss of regret grows deeper as time passes.
Old is cool. New is Noisy
When I started reading books, I was excited about the new. New is cool and flashy. That’s what we have been trained to think. The newest iPhone or Tesla Model S is what everyone is after. I don’t blame people for thinking so, after all it is exciting to see our technology advancing. This can work for products and services. But when it comes to ideas, new is not cool. New is avoidable in favor of the old. The modern man fails to realize that with the presence of so much new, most information becomes noise; most signals fade away into the abysses of recycled knowledge made more complex.
Take for example simple ideas like goal setting or positive thinking. Countless ‘new’ books promise to have the cure, and present you with tactics. Strategies. Do this and don’t do that. Noise. What they fail to recognize is these tactics are contributing to the noise, not to the signal. People aren’t looking for a formula, and certainly aren’t looking for someone to say “stay positive” during hard times. Most people struggling with time management, goal setting, or positive thinking have a deeper reason not to do these things efficiently, and it is likely not due to mere tactics. Poor time management is a signal you are unhappy about something, your days are not exciting you enough to organize them in ways to paint pictures that reflect how you like to spend them. You have to dig deeper.
When learning personal finance, I remember coming across Napoleon Hill’s “Think and Grow Rich” written all the way in 1937. I was fascinated that a book written during the depression was far superior to all the books that followed in its category. Hill captured many ideas from Andrew Carnegie and from Wallace D. Wattles, who wrote “The Science of Getting Rich” in 1910. If I were to know what I know now, I’d skip all ‘new’ get-rich-books and go straight to Wattles. Wattles likely got ideas from Barnum, and definitely got many of his ideas from Emerson, who in turn got their ideas from the Bible.
In the wake of our information age, beware of the noise, and strengthen your filters. If you’re looking for the answers, they’re likely in a book written in 1910 and not in 2021.
Isolation
For the highly sensitive individual, both on a physiological and psychological level, temporary isolation can be of immense value. Pre-pandemic life seemed planned out and set in successive stages. I was following a script, I was kept busy by daily doses of extroversion. I was doing what I thought I was was destined to do.
Then the pandemic happened, and I moved back home. I settled in my basement for what would follow as a year and a half of isolation. In this year and a half I have lived an entire life in a fantasy world I have created, and called it the ideal world. Being forced away from people pushed me away from accepting reality and creating a far more exciting reality in my head. Then it hit me, isn’t reality a mere interpretation of how we see the ‘real world’? Why work backwards and fit into what already exists? Why not create something far more exciting, and work towards building it? Then it hit me again. Marconi did this. Edison did this. Musk is doing it right this second.
Of course I would have never realized any of this if I had maintained my script. Or maybe I would have. But one thing for certain is that isolation accelerated this set of revelations. Now I am not saying become anti-social, after all people make life exciting, but perhaps if you find yourself overwhelmed by the noise, bunker down somewhere quiet, sit down with yourself, figure out what truly matters, and you will walk out of that bunker a changed person.
United States of Abundance
To change the world, you could become an activist, but it’s far more direct and effective to become an entrepreneur. This is especially if you live in the USA, the United States of Abundance, where money travels fast. Add value at a profit, and change the world with your product or service. Use the profit to scale. But to do so requires great risk, such as putting your own funds and reputation on the line. It’s not for everyone, I know. It’s a hustle. But what’s the alternative? Vote for the right person? Hope that someone else takes action? To be an idealist without taking direct action yourself towards what truly matters to is surely one quick way to become a cynic. Don’t hope for someone to build your ideal world, go build it yourself.
Self Limiting Beliefs
Perhaps the most enlightening experience about becoming an adult is you unlock your brain’s ability to question everything you have learned more vividly. You realize some things you’ve been telling yourself your whole life are not true, and have long been detrimental to your day-to-day life. You find out there’s something called “self limiting beliefs”, and it’s a prison you have created for yourself. Granted, it’s a product of everything you have experienced growing up, and it’s technically not your fault that you’ve placed yourself in this prison, but the enlightening part is that you have the keys to get out. You have to dig deep and do the uncovering yourself to plan your escape.
One way of doing this is to fall in love deeply. In the world of emotions there are no limits nor absolutes, and it is usually after someone else becomes your mirror that you are able to see yourself more clearly. Even in the dreaded likelihood that that person will leave you heartbroken, what you gain from that is far more profound, a good look at yourself and an awakening that sets you on a self improvement journey where your first task is to take a sledge hammer and shatter those SLBs before anything else. Then ask yourself, now what?
It’s like self-conducted psychotherapy followed by logotherapy. You challenge your old self, then create your new self. The earlier you go through it, the better.
Are You Nice? Or Naive?
So far the only shortcoming I have come across with idealism is the projection of your ideal onto other people. After you spend some time on this planet, you come to realize the unfortunate truth that some people are driven by self-interest and what you project onto them does not change that reality.
A common thing you hear people pleasers say, something I used to say, is “I am just too nice.” But are you? If you know another human has a likelihood of not really caring about you, would you still receive them with arms wide open? Is being ‘nice’ a cover up for being too naive, and too lazy to put up boundaries that protect you from such people? Don’t wait to learn this the hard way.
You cannot pour from an empty cup. If what gets you going is helping other people, make sure to set firm boundaries and give your energy to those who deserve it and not lose it to those who are skilled at extracting it from you and leaving you drained. When love is not accepted, walk away. Where love is not appreciated, move on. Set boundaries. Be kind, be nice, but don’t be naive.
Serendipity
When I think about every good thing that has happened to me, I can attribute it to some form of happy accident. A random meeting I decided to attend. An old friend I decided to phone. Sometimes being out there is all it takes. Usually I’m out in the world, being myself to the fullest; riding a longboard while blasting English punk rock or publishing a book I had poured my heart into. I then ship my work. Then, suddenly, something amazing happens. Serendipity.
Mathematically, I attribute it to increasing the likelihood of running into interesting events or like-minded people. The more action you take, the higher the probability. But this isn’t the full story. I do not believe that our world is entirely mechanical nor ruled purely by rigorous mathematics set in stone. There’s something spiritual about these happy accidents, as if they are meant to happen. As if I was meant to study electrical engineering for 4 years, get a masters in another 2, and start a PhD program and write a book about it, just so I can share a post where one person notices it and that is enough to change my life forever.
People ask me why I do what I do, and why I am all over the place. For that I’d have to blame my heroes in the Islamic Golden Age and the Renaissance; they ruined me ever since I read about them in middle school, they ruined me forever. But deep down there’s more than mere curiosity and diversity of interests. There’s an addiction. An addiction to something that makes life a lot more thrilling. An addiction to the hope that tomorrow will bring a happy accident that will throw off all my plans and blow my mind. An addiction to serendipity.